See these brides getting lap dances from strippers at their bachelorette parties, or those husbands who start ghosting their gay sex buddies the second their wives give birth to their first child?
Well, when I was 21 and a half, in the spring of 2009, I did something similar. I was looking for something fun. Something liberating. Something true. Before the official start of my gap year, I wanted to do my own thing, one last fling — a 3-month internship that meant something to me, my dirty little secret of having “smaller dreams”.

So I sent a spontaneous application to Les Éditions Delcourt, the modest publishing house that brought my favorite josei manga to Francophone markets: Nana by Ai Yazawa. And I poured my heart into that application.

How I Tried My Luck (A Light Blue Sky Sparsed With White Clouds Was the Limit)

I still remember the background image of the cover letter I sent to Delcourt (I didn’t know back then that background images were deemed uNpRofEsSioNaL): it was a sky scattered with white clouds on a light blue canvas.
Just like on this website! I guess I have a thing for clouds—thought bubbles, emotions, shapeshifters, rain and thunder… and sometimes they just chill up there, floating.

Found it! Omg… That light-blue sky isn’t exactly light blue, is it? The file name was “Une candidature des plus passionnées.doc”. (transl. “A Most Passionate Application.doc“) Seriously, how cute is that? For those who wonder who Jessie Wamal is, read my other article “J’ai changé de nom et ça a tout changé".

Sky-blue letter or not, I clearly caught their attention: they invited me for an interview.
I was welcomed by two very kind young women. Turns out they were urgently looking for an intern!
They loved my energy (I get that a lot, which is surprising, because unless I’m singing karaoke, I have zero energy).
They also appreciated that I spoke some Japanese (I had spent a semester at Keio University in Tokyo the year before), and that I was passionate enough to reach out in the first place. (I had bought ALL of Ai Yazawa’s books. Half of them were stolen. I’m still mourning. Send money, not flowers.)

How I Landed My Dream Internship

The Delcourt team told me I could be helpful because Ai Yazawa was the guest of honour at Japan Expo that summer—one of the largest manga and anime conventions in Europe, it was celebrating its 10th anniversary that year.
It was going to be Ai Yazawa's first trip to Paris, and she was very anxious. Delcourt needed someone to be her personal assistant during her stay so she could feel reassured. I’d also help with press relations before and after the event.

It was basically a dream opportunity.
And… I turned it down.

How I Chose A Job In Cosmetics Instead

I said no to Delcourt because something more “prestigious” came up: a 6-month marketing internship at L’Oréal in Germany. It was scheduled to start right in the middle of the Delcourt internship.

The L’Oréal internship was part of their “EurOpportunity Programme”, which they usually reserved for interns who had already proved themselves at the Paris headquarters. But I had landed it through a week-long business game organized by L’Oréal, where HR saw me in action at the Mama Shelter hotel in Paris (another story, and a hilarious one at that—even though I still fume every time I tell it).

In 2018, I wrote a short semi-autobiographical narrative on LinkedIn titled: “Jawel and the Poor Choice She Made When She Was 22”

Long before the AI “Studio Ghibli” or “Blister” trends (from just the past week!), there was a #WhenIWas22 trend. People were sharing on LinkedIn stories of when they were 22, and that was a trend I was happy to join. So, I wrote this: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/jawel-poor-choice-she-made-when-22-jessie-wamal/

I had chosen a position at a cosmetics giant, for the B2B brand L’Oréal Professionnel, even though:

I knew nothing about cosmetics (I don’t wear makeup, and only 100% pure, unrefined oils like coconut oil or palm kernel oil are allowed on my skin and in my hair)
I knew nothing about white people’s hair (I thought people either wore wigs or kept their natural colour—I didn’t know hair dye was a whole thing. In Cameroon, I would see people using shoe polish to color their hair.)
I wasn’t on board with the way L’Oréal standardized beauty (though I was less political at the time—I would’ve never made it through the hiring process had I been an anticapitalist decolonial, intersectional Black feminist back then)

The reasons why I chose L’Oréal over Delcourt (and yes, the third one was actually the biggest one):

A 6-month paid internship in a new country, in a non-French-speaking environment (ie. the opportunity to finally become fluent in German)
L’Oréal had a reputation as “the best school of marketing”—having it on your resume opened doors (and it did)
Working as Ai Yazawa’s assistant and interning in PR at a small publishing house wouldn’t have counted as a “success” in the eyes of my peers. The social circles I was part of back then would’ve simply pitied me.

**My internship at L’Oréal went incredibly well.** I was lucky to be placed with an amazing team—the kind who would jokingly get “mad” at me if I stayed past 5 PM (unlike other interns on the floor, I had it *really* good). On my last day, they even made me a farewell board parodying the poster of INOA, the hair color product our team had launched on my first day. Please, ignore my wig. That fire hazard…

Reason or Passion? How I Spent My Life Splitting The Difference

When I was at HEC (it is probably still the case today), you were considered smart if you majored in finance or accounting, and underachieving if you majored in MAC: Management of Arts and Culture. So I split the difference, and chose the International Business major, which required spending a semester abroad. I did mine at TU Munich, where I focused on marketing—a field that combined numbers (which earned you respect) and creativity (which didn’t). I happened to be good at both!

Same story in high school in Toulouse.
You had to choose between science, economics, or literature.
I was naturally drawn to literature and languages, but the literary path was for “underachievers.”
I had the highest grades in the entire school, so again: I split the difference. I chose the economics track with a specialization in mathematics, and enrolled in the European English section—meaning extra English classes, including history taught in English.
The best of both worlds. Again.

Following Your Heart Takes Guts

It’s funny to reflect on all this now that I’ve spent nearly 10 years fully embracing an artistic and literary life.
For the longest time, I didn’t think it was an option for me.

Most people don’t believe being an artist is “a real job.” Many still don’t respect the choice I made. They think it’s selfish, delusional, and that I’ll die broke. (Won’t we all, honey?)

There was a time I didn’t have the courage to stand up for myself, to follow my passions, to make decisions based on my gut and not on other people’s expectations.

Not Everyone Has the Privilege of Following Their Dreams

But unlike the version of me who wrote that LinkedIn post in 2018, I’m not full of regrets anymore.
I don’t regret attending HEC Paris anymore (oh you didn’t know? I used to regret that very much), I don’t regret the choice I made when I was 22. I think I made the right call. Maybe not for the right reason (fear that my peers look down on it), and regardless of the fact that, as it turned out, I actually dodged a bullet (see epilogue).

In retrospect, knowing what it means to be a non-rich Black woman in the job market, I understand why I chose what I did.
Not everyone can afford to follow their dreams. My white male friends from wealthy families can quit high-paying finance jobs to become organic bakers or farmers promoting biodiversity—and society will applaud them as visionaries, geniuses and heroes. But if a Black woman from a modest background leaves a career in finance to pursue baking or farming? She's seen as naïve at best, or dismissed as stupid. “How selfish of her, what about her family?”

Also, had I known that the L’Oréal HR team in Germany would make a huge paperwork mistake (they forgot to apply for my work permit, which delayed the internship start), I would’ve had plenty of time to do both internships. I could’ve had the cake and eaten it too.

In my other article in French, “Le réseau social sans lequel j’aurais déjà abandonné ma carrière d’artiste“, I talk about the social capital that allowed me to become a professional artist.

You’ll Never Believe What I Did Today: Full Circle

Today, “spring” 2025 (well I’m in Toronto, April is a winter month), I sent a spontaneous application to freelance for the Korean company that publishes my favourite BL (Boys’ Love) manhwa.
In that application, I told them all about my missed opportunity with Delcourt. And I asked them for a chance to redeem myself. Whatever they might have there for me, I’ll take it. I just want to be part of the movement.

Today, I’m a full-grown Black queer fujoshi who has the privilege and the guts to follow her dreams.
I even have a bilingual blog about my love for the Boys Love genre. It’s still new, and I’ve only shared it with a few people in the BL community. I want to post more articles first. For some reason. Also, I love having something that’s just for fun and not connected to my job—so I may never share that blog in my professional platforms. But if you’re curious, I’m sure Google will lead you there eventually.

As for the application—wish me luck!

In Conclusion: 3 Life Lessons From the Past 16 Years

a) Follow your gut

Even if it annoys the people you love and respect.

Cancel that wedding, if you have doubts about your partner and you’re not feeling it. Yes, even if the flights are non-refundable and your parents already paid the deposit.

Don’t hire that person everyone says you should hire, if something feels off to you.

b) Do whatever brings you joy

Even if everyone else thinks it’s silly, follow your own path.

There will always be people who look down on your proudest achievements (and most of the time, that critic is you).

But there will also always be people who find your path inspiring—who wish they had the courage to accomplish even 10% of what you’ve done.

c) Forgive your past self

Be nice to yourself. Your younger self made choices based on what they knew, what they had, and who they were at the time. And look at you now—an incredible human being, full of wisdom and stories worth sharing.

Epilogue

Ai Yazawa was hospitalized in June 2009 due to an unspecified illness and had to cancel her trip to Paris. That illness led to the indefinite hiatus of Nana—her international best-seller and one of the most beloved manga series of all time.

She was discharged in April 2010, but as of 2022, she said she was still recovering and expressed a wish to continue Nana someday. And even though it’s been 16 years, not a month has passed without me thinking about her and wondering how she’s doing. Whether she still creates stories. Whether not sharing them with the world is her choice. Whether she’s, at the very least, happy.

I Turned Down My “Dream” Internship at 22, Because It Wasn’t My “Best” Option— Until Today…